“No guilt is forgotten so long as the conscience still knows of it.” – S. Zweig
I’d like to start this article by asking the following question:
“What would be our response as a member of the Hizmet movement, if another congregation or political entity had committed the injustices, unlawful actions and immorality attributed to the Hizmet movement?”
I will answer the question myself and leave everyone else to their conscience for their answer. I would immediately consider it as an indisputable fact as this information would have been relayed to me through the Hizmet movement sources. Moreover, I would have stated that the subject (another congregation or political entity) was the scourge of the earth. In the name of the Hizmet movement (and for “God’s” sake) I would work hard to recruit new people and accumulate more power. After all, we were chosen by God as a congregation, and no matter what we did, we would always be in the right, never doubting the truth of the path we walked on.
I believe asking for empathy wouldn’t suffice; so, let’s all just take off our Hizmet “hat” and ask three questions to understand what has transpired and answer these questions truthfully, without trying to seek an unknown “divine reason” for those events. Let’s think of the mistakes, misdeeds and errors that have been made, and have a reality check. I’m one of those who thinks that the right answers are pretty apparent. I believe there are many members of the movement who know the right answers today, but remain silent due to the sense of belonging and absolute obedience. Speaking of silence, I refer to our conscience whether the saying “the one who does not tell the truth/remains silent against injustice is Satan” was also said against the injustices that were attributed to the movement. Most of us probably don’t even remember the last time when we were a true and free individual and thought of ourselves.
“We are prisoners of love and of unquestioningly believing.” Even when we tell the civilized that we are acting only to persuade, we consider obedience as a requirement rather than persuasion. Weren’t God and his Prophet the only thing to believe without question? Weren’t there shortcomings regarding human beings, including the companions of the Prophet? We regarded “the Cleric” as an authority above authority, and we were the ones that overestimated his qualities. He kept talking about humility, but he was silent as his office became increasingly mysterious. We’ve disregarded the fact that he is also prone mistakes as a human being. And today, it’s become impossible to break this taboo that has transformed into an idol in our hearts, isn’t it? Is the alienated “opposite party” the sole begetter of today’s victimization and cruelty? Okay, so “the cruel” is being cruel, what about the atrocities and injustices that we have caused as the movement? Do we still think that we did what we did for God’s sake and that the others are committing sin when they take the very same actions like we did?
I have served every level of this movement (especially in the guidance-student section). I have prepared units that are called special groups (hususi gruplar) and served as a high-level manager in secret services (mahrem hizmetler). I regret what I couldn’t ask to myself. I ask for forgiveness from God and all of the people in Anatolia that we have wronged. I’m ashamed for the questions that were stolen in the exams, the people who were blocked and suspended, the people who were blocked and who couldn’t be employed by institutions even though they were working hard, just so that members of the movement could be employed there. I do not lean on the saying “let us be ashamed only of God” that the movement continuously.
I’d like to give you an example of the end of 1990s. We couldn’t convince the mother of a student preparing for military high schools to give us a picture without hijab for an application. So, we went to a Hizmet member photographer (!) and edited her picture and the kid went to the military high school. You can ask me “what about it?”
If you don’t mind deceiving an unwilling mother, if it doesn’t bother you to have her picture without a hijab in front of everyone (I’ve met people in the movement who are very sensitive about it), if you don’t think that this laid the foundation for much larger deceptions in the years to come, you can keep asking me “what about it?” I would like to say that we stole the application papers from the mailbox (in those years, the applications were made via mail) of a kid who wanted to enter the same school as the other kid but whom was viewed as an “undesirable” by the movement. Moreover, we did it with a glee as if we were doing our worships and we proudly talked about it for years.
So, what, didn’t we wronged that kid? Didn’t we violated the rights of the kid’s family that tried to do their best for the kid in terms of education? Did we do good while we devilized others for “setting up their own personal staff?” Hasn’t that made us more careless for misdeeds in the future?
That’s all I’m writing for today. Because even when I think about it, I am breathless. Because I fear that what we have done for the sake of righteousness and God will come to torment us in the afterlife. Let me finish with the words of Master Bediuzzaman: “Don’t be afraid, TREMBLE!”
Humanity, who is always drawn to what is impressive, never to those who are patient and fair, but to those who have the courage to declare their own will as the fundamental form of the world law, the only truth that is possible to the fixed-minded. (S. ZWEIG)